


Episode 2

by RainbowArches



Series: The Crack Team From Agent Carter Season 8 [2]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Gen, No Plot/Plotless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 14:33:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8212105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowArches/pseuds/RainbowArches
Summary: Anti-gravity and espresso.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Pure silliness this time because I felt like it.

Howard and Jason beamed proudly at the dummy floating over their heads, newly refined anti-gravity weights strapped to its wrists and ankles. One end of a rope was tied around its waist, the other end tied around a table leg.

“We did it,” said Howard.

“We still need the rope.”

“So we just use them for things we don’t want to come down.”

“No way. That’s the only set we’ve got and I want to keep them. Unless you know where we can get more ghost goop—“

“Ugh.” Howard rolled his eyes. “It’s not _ghost goop,_ it’s—“

“Whoa,” said Nick as he walked in. “What’s going on here?”

He was watching the dummy drift languidly overhead.

Howard clapped his hands together. “Nick! What do you think? Good, right? Wanna know how we did it?”

“The ghost goop?”

“It’s not ghost goop, it’s—“

“Can I try it?”

“That might not be—“ Jason started.

“Sure!”

Howard pulled the rope, reeling in the dummy. He untied it from the dummy’s waist and handed it to Nick.

“Put this on.”

Nick tied the rope around his waist and let Howard fasten the weights around his wrists while Jason strapped them around his ankles.

“It’s safe, right? I don’t have to wear special gloves or anything?”

“You will definitely not blow up.”

They let go of him. His arms floated above his head of their own volition and carried the rest of him up slowly.

“Try moving around a bit,” Jason said.

Nick pushed his arms down and then his feet drifted up so that he was upside-down.

“This is cool,” he said, grinning.

“How do you feel?”

“I want to stay up here forever.”

“Interesting.” Jason turned to Howard. “We should study its euphoric qualities next. This might be a good therapeutic tool.”

“Mm.”

“What the hell is going on here?”

Howard and Jason spun around to see Peggy in the doorway, watching Nick do backflips in slow motion.

“That’s the ghost goop, isn’t it?” she said.

“It’s not ghost goop, it’s—“

“Like it? I know it looks frivolous but we’ve actually come up with a few good uses for it,” said Jason.

“Happy to hear it. And might I inquire as to the status of your written report?”

“Right here,” said Jason, proudly slamming his hand on a neat stack of twenty pages sitting on the table. “All finished.”

Howard blinked. “When did you find the time to do that?”

“Wonderful,” said Peggy. “Bring it to my office so we can discuss it. Howard, put those things away and get back to work. Nick, will you get down from there, please?”

“No.”

“Don’t you want to discuss it with me too?” Howard asked as Peggy and Jason left.

“Back to work.”

Howard started to pull on the rope but Nick untied it from his waist floated even higher.

“Nick, don’t--! Damn it.”

 

* * *

 

“Ma’am?”

“Yes, come in, Janet. What can I do for you?”

“What do you wear to meet your future mother-in-law who probably won’t like you?”

“First of all, that’s a conversation for your lunch break, not working hours—“

“It’s after hours. You’re the only one who’s still working.”

“And second of all I can’t imagine anyone not liking you.”

“Right? But Hank says she’s very serious and I’m very distractible.”

“I think Dr. Pym could have phrased that a little better. You’re quite serious when you have to be, which is often. And even if you weren’t that’s no reason for her not to take you seriously.”

“I just really want to make a good impression.”

“You’ll have the rest of your life to do that.”

“Yes, but I’m meeting her tomorrow.”

“And you think clothes will take care of any misgivings she may have about you?”

“Never underestimate the power of the right outfit.”

“I’m afraid fashion is one of a few fields in which you surpass me, my dear. Sorry.”

“Well what did you wear when you met Mrs. Wilkes?”

“My wedding dress. We’d arranged to meet several times before but things kept coming up.”

“Mm. I guess I can wear that cream thing. I hate it but I think it’s what I need for this occasion.”

“There you go. And you have a career. You have hobbies. You read the news. You’re having her grandchild. There’ll be plenty for you to talk about. Don’t forget to ask about her and offer to help with the tea or something.”

“Thanks. Hey, weren’t you supposed to meet Dr. Wilkes like, forty minutes ago?”

“Oh, lord, yes! Tell him I’ll be right there.”

 

* * *

 

Nick finished washing the dishes and joined Val at the kitchen table. She slid her cigarette case over to him. He chose one, lit it, and handed the case back.

“Thanks for that,” she said. “I can’t remember the last meal I didn’t pay someone to make for me.”

“I still can’t believe you found time to learn how to knit but can’t give a crap about cooking.”

“Teach me how to make lasagna and I’ll teach you how to knit a baby blanket to go with the bear I’m making.”

“Do you have their wedding present picked out yet?”

“Yep.”

“Can you help me?”

“Nope.”

“Ugh. What are you supposed to get people for weddings? They’ve already got new clothes, cake, flowers, wine… other wedding stuff. Candles? That’s a wedding thing, right?”

Val smirked. “You’re such a romantic.”

“Sometimes,” said Nick defensively. He put his cigarette in the ash tray and moved around the table. “Come here,” he said, taking her hand and tugging gently.

She got up and he led her to the middle of the kitchen, wrapping his arms around her waist and swaying them gently.

“There isn’t any music.”

“We don’t need music. That’s how romantic I am.”

“Impressive.”

She kissed him.

“How come you’ve never introduced me to your mother?”

Nick raised his eyebrows, surprised. “Do you want me to?”

“I think we’re getting to that point, yes.”

“Okay. Um. So when do you want to meet her?”

“Oh, I’ve met her several times already.”

“What?!”

“I just think it would be nice if it were your idea once in a while.”

“When did you two meet?”

“We have coffee sometimes. We bumped into each other on a mission once. She’s not as retired as she says she is.”

“Oh. Well I know _that_.” He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “What did she tell you about me?”

Val grinned.

 

* * *

 

“Janet! What are you doing?!”

“Stitches.”

Upon closer inspection Jason could see that Janet was indeed stitching a wound on the puppy and not testing something on it. At least Jason thought it was a puppy. There was something not quite canine about it. Or perhaps otherworldly canine.

“Where’d the little guy come from?”

“A couple of bigger guys I would imagine. In space.”

“It’s an alien puppy.”

“Almost certainly.”

Jason stroked its head gently. “So, is it– he? She?”

“He.”

“Is he the pet of an alien or is there a planet dominated by canine-oid lifeforms?”

“I wish. That would be adorable. I think more likely is that something alien was introduced into a breed here.”

“When?”

“Don’t know.”

“So we don’t know how many are out there.”

“Well I know we’re not normally called for animal control but I think we’d have heard about anything exceptionally unusual. This one is very docile and not that tough but he is just a puppy. I think we should keep him to see if he’s more threat or threatened and decide where to go from there.”

She finished stitching him up and pulled off her gloves.

“Fine with me. You’ll have to sort it out with the director but I’m sure she’ll agree. What’s his name?”

“Who’s this?” Hank asked as he and Nick walked in.

Janet sighed. “I guess we can draw names from a hat or something,” she muttered.

“Is he supposed to be like a hound or something?” Nick asked, scratching the puppy’s head. “He’s kind of small.”

“No, he’s supposed to be in our protective custody,” Jason said.

“We’re adopting him?”

“ _I’m_ adopting him,” said Janet.

“Adopting who?” Peggy asked as she and Howard came in.

“Okay, everyone stop crowding him,” Janet instructed. “Let him breathe. Let him rest.” She turned to Peggy with her hands folded pleadingly under her chin. “Can we keep him, ma’am? Please?”

“Here? In the lab?” She squinted at the puppy. “Is that an _alien_ dog?”

“Kind of.”

Peggy was silent for a moment. Jason nudged her gently with his elbow.

“Well I suppose we’d better keep him then.”

“Sweet!”

“But you’re responsible for walking him and feeding him and cleaning up after him.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

* * *

 

“Hello?”

“Have you ever built a crib?”

“Hank, it is way too early to build a crib,” Nick grumbled, rubbing his eyes with his fist.

“These things sneak up on you, you know. Nine months _sounds_ like plenty of time but then—“

“No, I mean it’s three in the morning. Why are you calling me about cribs?”

“I need you to help me build one.”

Nick sighed. “Hank…”

“Please? Jan’s coming home tomorrow—well, later today. I’ve been staring at this pile of crap for hours. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s just a fancy box to keep a baby in. It can’t be that hard.”

“That’s what _I_ thought! I even read the instructions! But I built a go-kart! Please? For me? For Jan? For the love of my unborn child?”

Nick ran his hand down his face. “You’re such a dick.”

 

Six hours later Janet was passing by the nursery and had to back track when she realised she’d seen two pairs of feet. She went in and saw the finished crib, and on the floor next to it Hank and Nick, passed out on top of each other.

She went to the bedroom, got the camera, went back to the nursery and took a picture.

 

* * *

 

Howard clasped Jason on the shoulder. Jason returned the gesture. The silver box gurgled and hummed in front of them.

Jason picked up the cup, sniffed it, took a sip, and smiled. He passed it to Howard, who repeated the actions.

“This is it,” said Howard.

“The perfect espresso.”

“Ick,” said Nick, appearing behind them. “I hate espresso.”

“Don’t have any then,” said Jason.

“Aw, c’mon. Please? I’ll probably like it if you made it.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Oh fine. Here.”

Nick took the cup and downed it in one gulp.

Jason’s eyes went wide. “Oh. Uh, that probably wasn’t a good idea…”

Nick stared thoughtfully into the empty cup as he considered his verdict. “Hm. That’s actually not bad—“

Then the violent jittering started.

“C-c-can I-I-I ha-a-ave s-s-ome m-m-more p-p-l-l-ease?”

“Are you kidding?” Howard said, trying not to laugh. “You clearly can’t handle it. But I kind of want to see what happens.”

“Don’t be an ass,” Jason scolded. “Sorry, Nick. Guess I made it too perfect. Okay take a deep breath, have some water and a sandwich, go for a walk. How much coffee do you normally drink?”

“T-t-t-t-t-“

“Two cups?”

“Y-y-“

“Okay. Just checking.”

“Oh for God’s sake, what happened now?” said Peggy, strolling into the lab.

“Nick can’t hold his espresso,” said Howard.

“ _Perfect_ espresso,” Jason corrected.

Peggy considered the machine, momentarily tempted, but snapped out of it when Nick started giggling manically. “Yes well, I’ll be the judge of that later. _Agent Fury_.”

Nick went silent and almost managed to stop vibrating as he snapped to attention.

“Medical. Now.”

Nick shot out of the lab.

Peggy glared at the other two.

Jason refilled the cup and offered it to her.

She took it and sipped it. An eyebrow arched in approval. “Very nice. You know what we ought to do with this?”

Howard and Jason smiled hopefully.

“Put it in my office. I have the perfect spot for it behind my desk.”

The smiles faded.

 

Jason knocked on Peggy’s office door. There was no response so he went in.

On the desk were three neat piles of paperwork, finally completed after collecting dust for months. Most of the furniture had been rearranged. Peggy was on a stepladder, trying to scrub the ceiling clean.

“You know if you were bored you could have come to the lab,” he said. “That’s what everyone else does.”

Peggy jumped, startled, and dropped the rag.

“Jason! Hi! Hello! Come in! What can I do for you? How are you? What brings you here?”

Jason looked from her to the espresso machine, gurgling away, back to her again.

“You okay, Peg?”

“Hm? Me? Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? Are you okay? Have I forgotten something? What time is it? Did you need something?”

“Guess what.”

“What?”

“I think Nick’s not the only one who can’t hold his espresso.”

“What do you mean? What are you talking about? I can hold my espresso. What espresso? What do you want?”

Jason smirked. “Come along, dear. We’re going home.” He took her coat off the rack and put an arm around her shoulders, guiding her out of the office. “We’ll have a late supper and then I’m going to have a nice long sleep while you, I’m guessing, do anything but that. Then tomorrow you and Nick can suffer through a coffee hangover together while Howard and I enjoy our espresso because we’re the only ones who know how to drink it.”

 

* * *

 

Peggy strode down the corridor, turned a corner, and stopped abruptly.

Ruphix the puppy was leading Jason, Howard, Hank and Jan, each with an anti-gravity weight strapped around an ankle and drifting down the hall an inch off the ground, with a rope keeping them from wandering away, the end of it in Nick’s hand, trailing after them.

Peggy turned on her heel and strode back down the corridor.


End file.
